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Fireside Theater Presents "The Sentimental Bloke"



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"The Sentimental Bloke " is a feature-length silent movie. This Australian silent-film classic is taken from the poem by C.J. Dennis. Filmed on location in Sydney, the story is about a man named Bill the working-class hero who falls in love and marries Doreen. The waterfront docks of Wooloomooloo are shown as they appeared at the time of the film's release. Music: Kevin MacLeod. The following dialogue is written to mimic Australian pronunciation and thus does not conform to standard written English. Your host, Binary Mouse, introduces Your Virtual World's Campfire Tales Series in the online version.

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1 Directed by Raymond Longford

2 'Struth 'ow I'ug that promise she give me fer the beach. The Bonzer Peach!

3 Sunday Night. The Meet.

4 An', square an' all, no matter ow' yeh start.

5 The commin end of most of us is - Tart.

6 It wus a Bonzer Night. The wet sands glistened, an' the gleamin' moon

7 Shone yeller on the sea, all streakin' down.

8 The band was playin' some soft, dreamy toon.

9 Oldin' in me own 'Er little 'and, An' 'ow she blushed! O, strike!

10 it was divine The way she raised 'er shinin' eyes to mine.

11 An' there I told 'er 'ow I'd done me dash.

12 I wish't yeh meant it, Bill.

13 A blok 'ud be a dawg to kid a skirt

14 Like 'her An' me well knownin' she was square It 'ud be dirt.

15 An' when I kissed 'er I sorter felt

16 That bosker feelin' that comes o'er a bloke An' makes 'im melt.

17 I promis' 'er I'll chuck the pubs and schools an' all that leery game.

18 There's 'igher things, she sez, for blokes to do,

19 An' I am 'arf believin' that it's true.

20 We parts at the gate.

21 'Oo would 'a' thort it could 'a' been

22 My luck to strike the likes of 'her? - Doreen!

23 An' then I got a job. As storeman down at Jones printin' joint.

24 A decent sorter cop at fifty bob.

25 Doreen an' me, we went to see a show

26 The swell two-dollar touch. Bong tong, yer know.

27 The drammer's writ be Shakespeare, years ago,

28 About a barmy goat called Romeo.

29 "Lady, be yonder moon I swear!" sez 'e. An' then 'e climbs up on the balkony

30 An' there they smooge a treat wiv pretty words Like two love-birds.

31 I nudge Doreen. She whispers, "Ain't it grand!"

42 'Er eyes is shinin', an' I squeeze 'er 'and.

33 Fair Juli-et, she gives 'er boy the tip,

34 Sez she, "Don't sling that crowd o' mine no lip,

35 An' if yeh run agin a Capulet, Jist do a get",

36 'E swears 'e's done wiv lash, 'e'll chuck it dean.

37 (Same as I done when I first met Doreen).

38 Nex' day 'e words a gorspil cove about

39 A secrit weddin', an' they play it out.

40 They they git 'itched...

41 Instid of slopin' soon As 'e was wed, orf on 'is 'oneymoon,

42 'Im an' 'is cobber, called Mick Curio, They 'ave to go

43 An' mix it wiv that push o' Capulets.

44 They look fer trouble, an' it's wot they gets.

45 Mick Curio, 'e gits it in the neck,

46 "Ar rats!" 'e sez, an' passes in 'is check.

47 Quite natchril, Romeo gits wet as 'ell.

48 "It's me or you!" 'e 'owls, an' wiv a yell,

49 Plunks Tyball through the gizzard wiv is sword.

50 'Ow I ongcored!

51 "Put in the boot!" I sez. "Put in the boot!"

52 "Ush!" sez Doreen... "Shame!" sez some silly coot.

53 Then Romeo does a bunk.

54 Then things gits mixed a treat an' starts to whirl. 'Ere's Romeo comes back

55 an' finds 'is girl Tucked in 'er little coffing, cold an' stiff.

56 An' in a jiff, 'E swallers lysol,

57 throws a fancy fit, 'Ead over turkey, an' 'is soul 'as flit.

58 Then Juli-et wakes up an' sees 'im there,

59 Turns on the water-works an' tears 'er 'air.

60 "Dear love", she sez, 'I cannot live alone!" An' wiv a moan,

61 She grabs 'is pocket knife, an' ends 'er cares...

62 "Peanuts or lollies!" sez a boy upstaris.

63 I took a derry on this Stror-'at Coot First time I seen 'im dodgin'

64 round Doreen. The Stror 'at Coot... Harry Young

65 "You're jealous, Bill!" she sez, Ar, spare me days!

66 A plain bloke can't git used to women's ways.

67 Me? Jealous uv a knock-kneed coot like that!

68 But she fair doped me wiv 'er winnin' ways.

69 A Week Later The stror-at coot 'angs round her place.

70 Spare me days! When I sights 'er wiv 'Im in the street you could

71 'a' knocked me down wiv 'arf a brick.

72 But don't I keep me temper when we meet?

73 An' don't I raise me lid an' act perlite?

74 I only jerks me elbow in 'is ribs.

75 To give the gentle office to 'is nibs.

76 An' when 'e won't put up 'is 'ands to fight-

77 ('E sez, "Fer public brawls 'e didn't care")-

78 An' now Doreen she sez I've broke me vow,

79 An' mags about this coot's pore "wounded pride".

80 An' then, o' course, we 'has a ding-dong row,

81 Wiv 'ot an' stormy words on either side.

82 She sez I done it outer jealousy.

83 Me jealous? Jealous of that cross-eyed cow!

84 A coot like that!... But it don't matter much,

85 Yer welkim to 'im if yer fancy such.

86 An' so, we parts fer ever -'er an' me.

87 To call 'er back I'll never lift a 'and,

88 She'll never 'ear frum me by word or sign.

89 Oh, I ain't much to look at, I admit

90 But 'im! The knock-kneed, swivel-eyed misfit!...

91 An' then I gits on the shick.

92 The Tragedy

93 The Next Morning Per'aps, some day, she'll come to understand

94 The mess she's made o' this 'ere life o'mine.

95 Ginger Mick ('E awks the bunnies when 'e toils, does Mick)

96 "Bli'me Bill, you do look crook"

97 "Turn it up Ginger don't git slingin' orf"

98 "Come up to Skinny's place to-night", sez 'e.

99 "There's skirts an' singin', Meet yeh ater tea"

100 I done me block complete on this Doreen,

101 An' now me 'eart is broke, me life's a wreck!

102 That Night

103 To the beano I lobs along

104 To drown them memories o' fancied wrong.

105 I swears I never knoo that she'd be there.

106 But when I met 'er eye- O 'Struth, 'twas strong!

107 ... An' then, she sung a song.

108 The curse of an aching heart

109 The choon was one o'them sad, mournful things

110 That ketch yeh in the bellers 'ere, and brings Tears to yer eyes...

111 The words was uv a tart, 'Oo's trackin' wiv a silly

112 coot 'oo slings 'Er love aside, an' breaks 'er tender 'eart.

113 I listens wiv me 'eart up in me throat,

114 I drunk in ev'ry word an' ev'ry note.

115 An' then -Gawstruth! The pleadin' look she gave

116 Fair in me face 'ud melt a 'eart o' wood.

117 Wiv suddin shame me guilty soul wus smote.

118 An' when at larst the tarts they makes a rise,

119 A lop-eared coot wiv 'air down to 'is eyes,

120 'E 'ooks on to Doreen, to see 'er 'ome!

121 "'An's orf! I'm seein' this 'ere cliner 'ome!"

122 An' there we elft 'im, gapin' wiv surprise.

123 She never spoke, she never said no word,

124 But walked beside me like she never 'eard.

125 I swallers 'ard, an' starts to coax an' plead,

126 I sez I'm dead ashamed o' wot's occurred.

127 I tells 'er, never can no uvver tart Be 'arf wot she is, if we 'ave to part.

128 I tells 'er that me life will be a wreck.

129 It ain't no go. So I walks away.

130 "Ah, Kid!" she sobs. "Yeh nearly broke me 'eart!"

131 When you 'ave 'ad a reel ole ding-dong row,

132 Say, ain't it bonzer makin' up agen?

133 I tells 'er she's me queen, me angel, too.

134 "Ah, no. I ain't no angel, Kid", she says. "I'm jist a woman,...

135 ... an' I loves yeh true! An' so I'll love yeh all me mortal days!"

136 Bill, You'll 'ave to meet my Mar,

137 Will you come ter tea Sundee Night?

138 [In few seconds image will come back]

139 I study books wiv yearnin' to improve,

140 To 'eave meself out uv me lowly groove.

141 Sunday Night

142 Clobber? Me trosso, 'ead to foot, wus roo- Got up regardless, fer this interview

143 Stiff shirt, a Yankee soot split up the back, A tie wiv yeller spots an' stripes o' blue.

144 "Mar" Margaret Reid.

145 Two dilly sort o' dawgs made out o' delf

146 Stares 'ard at me frum orf the mantleshelf.

147 I seemed to symperthise wiv them there pups,

148 I felt so stiff an' brittle-like meself.

149 Me patent leathers nearly brought the tears,

150 Me stan-up collar sorin' orf me ears.

151 The Family Album

152 Par!

153 "Er Par" she sez, "me pore late 'usband, kept

154 An 'ay an' corn store. 'E'd no faults incept

155 'Im fallin' 'eavy orf a load o' charf W'ich-killed

156 'im-on the-" 'Struth! But 'ow she wept.

157 'Er "pore dear Par"... I s'pose 'e 'ad 'is day,

158 An' kissd an' smooged an' loved 'er in 'is way.

159 "To think", she sez, "a child o' mine should be

160 Rejuiced to workin' in a factory!

161 An' as I listens ter the tale of poor ole Par

162 A suddin notion stops me wiv a Jer Wot if Doreen. I thinks, should

163 grow to be A fat ole weepin' willer like 'er Mar!

164 Then we 'as tea

165 "Life's 'ard", she sez, an' then she brightens up.

166 "Still, we 'ave alwus 'ad our bite and sup"

167 Have a cup of tea "Willie".

168 Willy! O 'ell! 'Ere wus a flamin' pill!

169 A moniker that alwus makes me ill.

170 "If it's the same to you, mum", I replies.

171 "I answers quicker to the name o' Bill"

172 Up goes 'er 'ands an' eyes, "That vulgar name!

173 No, Willy, but it isn't all the same"

174 "Orright", I sez. "I s'pose it's in the game"

175 After Tea An', then I tells 'er 'ow I luv Doreen.

176 "Me fucher son", she sez, "right on frum this Must not take anything I say amiss.

177 I know me jooty be me son-in-lor, So, Willy, come an' give yer Mar a kiss"

178 I done it. Tho' I dunno 'ow I did.

179 Then things get 'ome-like, an' we torks till late,

180 An' tries to tease Doreen to fix the date.

181 Good-bye, Willie!

182 Strike me purple! "Willie!" That's wot 'urts.

183 The Wedding Day

184 'Ere's me 'oo never took no 'eed o' life

185 Investin' in a mar-in-lor an' wife.

186 Doreen an' me is gettin' hitched

187 All straight an' on the square.

188 But 'Struth, the wimmin! 'Ow they love this frill!

189 Fer Auntie Liz, an' Mar, o' course, wus there

190 there, An' Mar's two uncles' wives, an' Cousin Lil,

191 An' 'arf a dozen more to grin and stare.

192 The queer ole Pilot cove Wiv silver 'air an' gentle ways

193 Dressed in 'is little shirt wiv frills an' bands

194 The Parson...Charles Keegan

195 "An'-wilt-yeh-take-this- woman-fer-to-be-

196 yer-weddid-wife?

197 ... Aw, take a pull!

198 Wot in the 'ell's 'e think I come there for?

199 An' Ginger Mick, 'Oo's my best-man, 'e ups an' beefs it out,

200 "I will!" 'e 'owls, an' fetches me a kick. "Your turn to chim!" 'e tips me wiv a shout.

201 "Righto!" I sez, "I will"

202 But my Doreen she never turns a 'air,

203 Nor misses once when it's 'er turn to speak.

204 An' when at last 'e shuts 'is little book,

205 I 'eaves a sigh that nearly bust me vest.

206 But 'Eavens! Now 'ere's muvver goin' crook!

207 An' sobbin' awful on me manly chest!

208 (I wish she'd give them water-works a rest)

209 An' then we 'as a beano up at Mar's-

210 A slap-up feed, wiv wine an' two big geese.

211 The Parson-Bloke 'e speaks a little piece. 'E sez Doreen an' me is in a boat,

212 An' sailin' on the matrimonial sea.

213 'E sez as 'ow 'e 'opes we'll alwus float. In peace an' joy, frum storm an' danger free.

214 Then muvver gits to weepin' in 'er tea.

215 Then Ginger gits up an' makes a speech

216 ('E'd 'ad a couple, but 'e wasn't shick).

217 "Me cobber 'ere" 'e sez, "'as copped a peach!

218 Uv orl the barrer-load she is the pick!

219 At last Doreen an' me we gits away.

220 An' leaves 'em doin' nothin' to the scran.

221 She whistles, jolts, an' starts... An' we're alone! Doreen an' me!

222 My precious bit o' fluff! Me own true weddid wife!

223 Two weeks later we wus settled in our little 'ome

224 As 'appy as two turtle doves.

225 Tw Months Later Choosdee evenin' up the town

226 I bumps me ole cobber Ginger Mick.

227 "Wot O", 'e chips me. "Kin yeh keep one down?"

228 The Temptation

229 We 'as a couple, then meets three er four

230 Flash coves i useter know, an' 'as some more.

231 "'Ow are yeh on a little gamble, Kid?" Sez ginger Mick.

232 "Lars' night I'm on four quid.

233 Come 'round an' try yer luck at Steeny's school"

234 "No", sez me conscience. Then I thinks, "Why not?"

235 An' buy 'er presents if I wins a pot?

236 Fer 'arf a mo' I 'as a fight,

237 Then conscience skies the wipe... Sez I "Orright"

238 Ten minutes later I wus back once more,

239 Kip in me 'and, on Steeny Isaacs' floor.

240 Next' thing I knows it's after two o'clock-

241 Two in the mornin'! An' I've done me block!

242 But when I comes out in the cold 'ard dawn

243 I know I've crooled me pitch, me soul's is pawn.

244 Me flammin' sins. They 'its me in a 'eap right where I live

245 Fer I'ave broke the solim vow I give.

246 Gawstruth! I'd sooner fight wiv fifty men

247 Than git one look like that frum 'er agen!

248 She never magged, she never said no word,

249 but sat an' looked at me an' never stirred.

250 Jist two months wed! Eight weeks uv married bliss

251 Wiv my Doreen, an' now it's come to this!

252 An' then, I sneaks to bed, an' feels dead crook.

253 Aw, strike! Wot made me go an' do this thing?

254 I feel jist like a chewed up bit of string,

255 An' rotten mean!-

256 The Next Morning

257 I wakes, an' lifts me 'ead, An' sees 'er standin' there beside the bed

258 A basin in 'er 'ands, an' in 'er eyes- The sort o' look I never shall ferget,

259 until I dies.

260 "'Ere Kid, drink this"...

261 I looks an' spare me days! It wus beef tea!

262 I tries to speak, An' then -I ain't ashamed o' wot I did-

263 I 'ides me face... an' blubbers like a kid.

264 One night poor Mar gits sudden fits.

265 Mar floats wivout the time to wave "good-byes"

266 It tears me 'eart in two the way she cries,

267 To see 'er grief, it almost made me glad, I never knowed the mar I must 'ave 'ad.

268 An' then fer weeks Doreen she mopes about,

269 An' life takes on a gloomy sort o'shape.

270 Then like some fairy angel -comes a letter from Uncle Jim.

271 Dear Doreen. Just a lone to let you know...

272 I'm leaving by tuesday train for the city hoping...

273 ... you and your husband is quite mere as it leaves me ar present.

274 Your loving Uncle Jim.

275 Uncle Jim arrives.

276 A cherub togged in sunburn an' a beard

277 An' duds that shouted "'Ayseed!" fer a mile.

278 'E got the ammer-lock on my good-will

279 The minute that 'e sez, "So this is Bill"

280 Then orl at once 'e grips me 'and in 'is.

281 "Some 'ow" 'e sez, "I like yer ugly phiz"

282 Then, late one night, 'e opens up 'is scheme,

283 An' passes me wot looks like some fond dream.

284 'E 'as a little fruit-farm, doin' well.

285 'E 's saved a tidy bit to see 'im thro',

286 'E 's gittin' old fer toil, an' wants a spell,

287 an' 'eres's a 'ome jist waitin' fer us two.

288 "It's 'er's an' yours fer keeps when I am gone",

289 sez Uncle Jim. "Lad, will yeh take it on?"

290 "Put it 'ere Unk. I'll make a bloomin' do of it, or bust!"

291 An' then we arrive an' take on the farm.

292 Six Months Later

293 An' 'ere's me now, A flamin' berry farmer, full o' toil,

294 Playin' Joo-Jitsoo wiv an 'orse an' plough.

295 An' coaxin' fancy tucker frum the soil.

296 An' my Doreen's the lady uv the 'ouse,

297 Full uv the simple joy o' doin' things.

298 An' frum the ashes of a ne'er-do-well

299 A bloomin' farmer's blossomin' like 'ell.

300 One day Doreen she took so ill

301 I fairly lost me block.

302 First, it was, 'Ell-fer-leather to the doc...

303 An' then I goes like mad ter get the nurse.

304 She took it all so calm she made me curse.

305 By gum, that woman! But she beat me flat!

306 A man's jist putty in a game like that.

307 An' then, to think a man could be denied

308 'Is wife an' 'ome an' told to fade away

309 By jist one fat ole nurse 'oo's in 'is pay!

310 "You go an' chase yerself! " she tips me straight.

311 "Ther's nothin' now fer you to do but-wait"

312 Wait?... Gawd!... I never knoo wot waitin' meant.

313 In all me life, till that day I was sent To loaf around, while there inside

314 -Aw, strike! I couldn't tell yeh wot that hour was like.

315 "A boy!" she sez. "An' bofe is doin' well!"

316 I drops into a chair, an' jist sez- "Ell!"

317 It was a pray'r. I feels bofe crook an' glad

318 An' that's the strength uv bein' made a dad.

319 I thinks uv church, when in that room I goes.

320 'Oldin' me breaf an' walkin' on me toes.

321 "Look, Kid", she smiles at me, "Ain't 'e a size?"

322 "'E is", I sez, an' smiles back at Doreen,

323 "The biggest nipper fer 'is age I've seen".

324 An' when 'e gits a fair look at me phiz

325 'E puckers up 'is nose, an' then -Geewhizz!

326 'Ow did 'e 'owl!

327 In 'arf a second more, Nurse 'ad me 'ustled

328 Clean outside the door.

329 A long, long time I looks at my two 'ands,

330 "They're all I got", I thinks, they're all that stands

331 'Twixt this 'ard world an' them I calls me own,

332 An' fer their sakes I'll work 'em to the bone.

333 Three Months Later

334 My son an' bloomin' 'eir... Ours! 'Ers an' mine!

335 Ther' ain't no joy fer me beneath the blue Unless I'm gazin' lovin' at them two.

336 I think we ort to make 'im somethin' great-

337 A bookie, or a champeen 'eavy-weight.

338 This ev'nin' I was sittin' wiv Doreen,

339 Peaceful an' 'appy, wiv the day's work done.

340 Watchin', be'ind the orchard's bonzer green,

341 The flamin' wonder uv the settin' sun.

342 Sittin' at ev'nin' in this sunset-land

343 Wiv 'Er in all the World to 'old me 'and,

344 A son, to bear me name when I am gone...

345 Livin' an' lovin'- so life mooches on.

346 The End Stats




This product was added to our catalog on Saturday 02 March, 2013.



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